Nearly 13 years ago, I wrote a very serious and not at all sarcastic blog post titled, “Five True Things About Education Reform,” which holds up pretty well because, like Jesus Christ, education is the same yesterday and today and forever. Now, as then, greedy teachers, evil unions, and lazy poor people are some of the biggest problems with public education in America. But thanks to groups like Moms for Liberty, I've discovered it's high time to add a Sixth True Thing About Education Reform:
6. Teachers are racist groomers from whom we must protect children.
Shocking but true. Whereas in the late-20th and early-21st centuries, teachers were mostly bad in the screwing-taxpayers kind of way (by demanding to be paid living wages within school systems that have adequate infrastructure, safe conditions, and sufficient supplies), in the 21st century, teachers have begun to reveal a whole new level of evil as they implement their true Secret Agenda: using woke indoctrination to turn kids into trans, reverse-racist, liberal deviants who hate America. Teachers have many tools at their disposal in the pursuit of this agenda, including but not limited to: critical race theory, sex education, social-emotional learning, school libraries, rainbow flags, pronouns, Michelangelo’s David, drag story time, the word gay, posters of Martin Luther King Jr. and Harriet Tubman, rap music, the New York Times, CNN, condoms, Mickey Mouse, Barbie, the green M&M, Bert & Ernie, Dumbledore, vaccines, masks, Juneteenth, Pride, atheism, globalism, Karl Marx, and of course, history, science, and books. But we have two powerful weapons with which to beat these godless, perverted teachers into submission: Jesus and gerrymandering. Remember what a great man once said: “He alone who owns the youth gains the future.”*
* Hitler, as quoted by Moms for Liberty, a right-wing ed reform group that is not afraid to tell you who they truly are.